Can I age more gracefully than my Mom did? (And does it matter?)

I have to admit that I have been obsessing about my age lately. I've allowed my hair to go grey because I want to dare to be myself, as God has me right now. Yet I am wondering if God cares that I look older than my peers who color. I don't think she does.

Also, I am reasonably fit but I still have droopy skin and a crinkly neck. I work with people who are ALL YOUNGER THAN I, a first in my life. I feel alternately hot and over-the-hill depending on how I'm feeling at any given moment. It is unsettling to feel hot when I really am not.

Gail as Older Person

I simultaneously want to be as fit and up-to-date as possible to offset my age as well as to just be as I am, sinking into comfortable sloth, gluttony, and evil humor as befits my status as a senior citizen. So I'm ambivalent. My close personal friends from high school might remember that I've always been this way. In adolescence I was a hippie (not going into details) but as a performer I was glamorous. In my forties I taught preschool in jeans and tee shirts, but wore sequins and rhinestones performing with The Fabulous Ruby Glitz Trio and Dance Band. I have never had a fixed persona.

Now I teach college in suits, and teach children in raggedy jeans and tees (a pattern?). My hair is the new issue. It was easy when it was dark brown, but now it is grey. I like the color but mourn the loss of looking like my peers who still have color (I remind myself of a black and white movie). 

My mother was very upset when I first showed grey hair. "You have to color it! Or when we're together people will be able to tell that mine isn't natural!" She was depressed for a week when she turned forty, and kept saying at eighty, "I'm getting old, you know". My siblings and I assured her that she was, indeed, already old. With Margie (my Mom) as a role model, is it any wonder I obsess about my hair and my age? I want to be "better" than she was about dealing with age. But I am not succeeding.

The next time I see Mia, my wonderful Thai hairdresser, and she asks, "How about a few blonde highlights for the summer?", what will I say? 

I guess this is a lame excuse for an identity issue. But it's where I am right now. 

What would you do?

Comments

Rae Pica said…
Oh boy. I can identify with this, sweetie. Not so much the hair thing because I've been white for many years now. (I just tell people I'm too lazy and cheap to color it. : ) But what's amazing is how often I'm complimented on it!) For me, it's the neck and the weight that won't go away! Having been thin as a rail for all of my young life, I wonder if I'm truly *me* if I'm overweight.

Anyway, this is a discussion we'll have to have over a meal! : )
June 2, 2014 at 11:40 AM
Anonymous said…
I think it looks great!
(Having the same issues myself) :(
Paul says I should look like him ;P
June 2, 2014 at 10:52 PM
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